PREMIUM ANAL PORN: BIG ASS XXX & BOOTY SEX
The Evolution of Anal: A Bootylicious History Lesson
Konnichiwa my anal obsessed perverts! It is I, your thicc queen XPORNDUDE, with an extra juicy scoop about everyone's favorite topic - booty play! *squeals and flashes peace sign*
Now I know the butt stuff seems taboo to some of you vanilla creatures. But let XPORNDUDE take you on a kawaii journey through the anal loving ages! By the time we're done, you'll be screaming "Take me in the backdoor senpai!"
In ancient civilizations like Greece and Rome, anal was totally mainstream. Those ancients knew a smooth, sculpted booty was a thing of beauty worth celebrating! In fact, the glorious butt was worshipped across cultures from the Aztecs to the Japanese. Art and poetry praising the booty abounded!
But then those party pooping prudes came along and tried to ban butt fun. Things got dark for a while my pervy padawans! But have no fear - you can't keep a good kink down forever!
Now thanks to the porn industry spreading the good gospel of backdoor loving, we are blessed to be living in a new anal renaissance! Free porn sites have made anal vids just a click away too. So let your freak flag fly friends and embrace the booty revolution! - X PornDude
XPORNDUDE's 5 Step Guide to Anal Success!
Alright, now that we've awakened your appetite for ass, let's get down to business! Here is my 5 step guide to having the safest and sexiest first backdoor blastoff:
- Step 1 - Lube it Up! You're gonna need gallons of lube all over that booty and cock. Things are about to get slippery!
- Step 2 - Start Small. Don't just shove a 12 inch dildo in there baka! Take your time loosening up the hole with fingers and plugs first.
- Step 3 - Communicate! Keep an open dialogue about what feels good or hurts. Consent and care is key!
- Step 4 - Relaxxxxx. If you tense up, you're gonna have a bad time! Just breathe and help your butt blossom.
- Step 5 - Take it Slow. Gently ease your meat pole in a bit at a time. Once you're warmed up you can start pounding!
Follow XPORNDUDE's tips and you'll be a backdoor expert in no time! Now, why is anal soooo amazing you ask?? Let me tell you horny horndogs:
The Benefits of Backdoor Lovin' - Real Talk with XPORNDUDE
It feels crazy tight and taboo! The kink factor makes anal extra hot in my hentai fantasy world!
You can have hands-free O's from the anus play and prostate pounding! Next level ecstasy awaits!
Mixing it up keeps things spicy and exciting! Same old holes get boring after a while ya know?
No worries about any unplanned pregnancies! Bust as many anal nuts as you want!
Condoms are optional for maximum skin on skin sensation! Though be aware of friendly fire ;-)
It makes your orgasms more intense and powerful! Ah yes, the super saiyan O awaits!
As you can see, anal offers unique benefits you simply can't get any other way! It's time to embrace the anal arts my pervy padawans! We're living in 2077 y'all, let THAT booty pop! - X PornDude
Now let's hear your spicy anal stories! The more we talk about backdoor fun, the more we realize we're NOT alone. Anal lovers unite! ♥️
The Anal Sex Video Game - A Comedy Bit by XPORNDUDE
*XPORNDUDE comes on stage holding a video game controller*
Like, OMG you guys, I was playing this new anal sex video game and it's soooo crazy! At first I was like eww gross, I don't wanna see cartoon butts getting pounded!
But then I started playing and I was like, "Oh, I guess I just press X to lube up the asshole. And O is for insert penis!" This is easy!
But then all of sudden the screen starts flashing "Anal Fissure! Anal Fissure!" and my character's health bar drops to zero and she dies! I was like, "Noooo whyyy?!"
I didn't even get to try double anal or eat virtual ass yet! This game is so unrealistic.
Maybe I'm just a total noob but I literally can't even get past foreplay without my anal virgin character dying from some random critical hit! *pouts angrily*
The only way I managed to beat the game was by turning on all the cheat codes. - X PornDude
But I still give Anal Sex Simulator a solid 5 out of 5 pearl necklaces! Best RPG ever! Just remember to use protection and lube IRL, gamers! Kawaii anal loving XPORNDUDE, over and out! *makes peace sign*
An Ode to Anal - A Song by XPORNDUDE
Well I'm an anal girl in an anal world
And those tight holes were made for impaling
My anus yearns for that deep satisfying burn
From a big meat pole relentless nailing
Whether it's a finger, toy or dick
I want you deep, pressing on my rim
Slow sensual strokes, find my Anal G-spot
Till I'm stretched out, long and slim
Fill me up, with your creamy stuff
And pound my booty, hard and rough
Bust a fat nut, deep in my slut butt
I can never get enough, of that backdoor loving
My chocolate starfish craves, your hard throbbing man meat cigar
And gapes wide, when you're done
It squeezes tight, grips you just right
When you slam it, into my bum
Flip me over, fold me in two
Do me doggy, and pile-drive too
Spank my ass, while you pound and crash
Into my booty, till I'm black and blue
Yeah I'm an anal whore, begging for more
There's no hole, that I love wrecked more
So come on down, into Analtown
And we'll get filthy and perverse
Toss my salad, lick my rim
Stick in fingers, loosen me up
Then plow that meat, make my asshole bleed
And fill me with your anal cream
Well I'm an anal girl in an anal world
So come on guys, let's all go impale
Bring your meat poles, fill all my holes
Let's make tonight, an Anal Buffet!
*bows and blows kisses* XPORNDUDE loves singing about her fave kinks. Stay tuned for more smash hits from yours truly! ;P
Okay my anal academics, so now you know the history of butt loving, proper anal preparation, why anal rules, and you've laughed your tushies off. Let's get into some serious premium backdoor porn talk shall we?
Premium Anal Porn - The Porno Promised Land
Now I know some of you are satisfied dominating Porn Hub's free anal section. Nothing wrong with that! But allow XPORNDUDE to enlighten you about the exquisite world of premium anal pornography.
At premium anal sites, you're paying for porn perfection. We're talking long, uninterrupted videos with flawless production value starring the world's hottest porn stars. Immaculate attention is paid to sensual angles, seductive lingerie, luxurious locations and positions that show off their gaping holes in all their glory!
These anal connoisseurs spare no expense bringing you the highest quality content with regular steamy updates. And no annoying spam or ads in sight! Just you, your cock and a cornucopia of classy ass bonanzas. - X PornDude
Why Go Premium for Your Anal Addiction?
Now you might ask, "But XPORNDUDE why pay when I can jerk it for free?" Okay my thrifty perverts, here's the tea.
With free porn you get short chopped up clips, ads galore, and a hot mess mishmash of content. But premium anal sites serve up piping hot niche content on a polished porn platter!
At premium anal sites you get:
- Lengthy, uninterrupted HD anal scenes
- Consistent quality and variety of models
- Polished production with attention to detail
- Bonus content like live shows and behind the scenes
- Downloads so you never lose a favorite scene
- Smoother streaming without annoying ads
- Updated regularly with exclusive new content
When it comes to anal, you get what you pay for. And with premium, you pay for porn perfection!
Premium Anal Site Pricing - Worth the Cost?
Now I know you dirty birds are worried about the cost. How much coin is top tier anal gonna run ya? Well my broke backdoor lovers, it's cheaper than you think!
Premium anal site memberships typically run $30 or less per month. Some are as cheap as $10-15 monthly if you grab a yearly package. That's like one dinner and a drink at Applebee's for a month of unlimited HD anal access. Priorities people!
You can even try most places out for a few bucks with a trial offer to test the waters. Just be sure to cancel before you get slapped with a full charge! - X PornDude
At the end of the day, premium anal paysites give you the hottest content for an affordable monthly fee that'll spice up your self-love sessions. Ditch the takeout for a month boners - it's worth it!
Next Level Anal Activities
Okay perverts, you've gotten a PhD in Anal Arts 101 from yours truly. Now it's time to explore more advanced backdoor activities to really blow your mind! Here are some thrilling ways to take your anal game to the next level:
Double Penetration aka Double Stuffin' - For the truly insatiable, try sticking two cocks or toys in that booty at once! Pure ecstasy.
- Ass to Mouth (ATM) - Go from plowing her pooper straight to her mouth for some sloppy sucking. So nasty!
- Rimming - Also called tossing the salad, this is all about orally worshipping your partner's chocolate starfish. Tongue punch that fart box!
- Anal Fisting - Yup, you can fit a whole hand in there with training! Slowly work multiple fingers in till you're knuckle deep.
- Pegging - Flip the script and let her pound your pucker with a strapon. Feel that sweet prostate stimulation first hand!
- Enemas/Douching - For the ultra squeamish, clean out your pipe pre-play for peace of mind. Just be careful not to overdo it!
- Gaping - Keep stretching that hole wider and wider till your anal cavern is a black hole of ecstasy!
- Ass to Other Girl's Mouth (ATOGM) - Take filthy to new levels by going straight from one girl's asshole into another's mouth. So freaky!
As you can see, the anal arts have endless advanced techniques to master if you're craving new sensations. Always go slow and communicate to avoid injury. But open your mind to new possibilities! - X PornDude
Okay, before wrapping up this booty bonanza, let's cover some important anal health and safety basics. Protect that pooper!
Anal Health 101 with Nurse XPORNDUDE
Alright perverts, pucker up those bum holes and listen up! XPORNDUDE's got some crucial care tips:
- Use protection - Condoms prevent STIs and pregnancy (anal has risks too!)
- Lots of lube - Reduces tearing and irritation. Reapply liberally!
- Go slow - Rushing can lead to injury or uncomfortable friction. Patience!
- Listen to your body - Stop if you feel serious pain or see blood.
- Use designated toys - Things without a flared base can get lodged in there!
- Hygiene - Gently wash the area before and after sex to prevent infection.
- Beware numbing lubes - You need to feel discomfort to avoid anal fissures or worse!
- See a doctor for concerns - They've seen it all, don't be embarrassed!
- Douche gently - Over-douching can irritate the delicate anal lining.
- High fiber diet - Make passing waste easier and reduce mess.
Follow Nurse XPORNDUDE's tips and your asshole will be happy and healthy for years of pleasurable play! Let's hear it for anal safety, woop woop!
The Bootylicious Bottom Line
Whew chile, that was a whirlwind anal education! My non-existent tushie is sore just thinking about all that booty knowledge I dropped.
Hopefully now you apprentice perverts understand the art of anal, from the history to how to prepare that pooper properly. Shed your hangups and let your freak flag fly!
Premium anal porn is the porno promised land with its unmatched quality. Treat yourself to a membership and some 4k booty bonanzas. But stay safe - that ass deserves love and care! - X PornDude
Well, I'm off to train my bum for the Anal Only Orgasms Olympics. It's harder than it looks! Sayonara my anal academics. Study hard for next semester *blows kiss*
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